Letters
by Penlym
Summary: Kitmas. What could have happened after episode 4. Spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

Kitty was restless that night. Each time she closed her eyes, Gillan's face would appear, his eyes bright in the night, feelings of betrayal and confusion shining through. She couldn't help feeling guilty. First she had abandoned him in the woods, then she had rejected him. But….then Elliot's face appeared, cold and gleeful, and her resolve strengthened. She had enough to worry about. How she wanted to say yes, to throw caution to the wind and try to enjoy life once more! But she still had that nagging feeling, holding her back, especially after the events of today.

She tossed over again. Flora lay in the bed next door. Her mouth hung open, and Kitty thought she saw some drool. She smiled to herself, swinging her legs over the bed. She really did admire Flora. She had such enthusiasm, such a buzz and love of life. By God was she persistent. And so vulnerable. Kitty made a decision then to always look out for her. She would not let Flora make the same mistakes as herself. Without thinking she grabbed a pen, paper, ink and a lantern, her lighter and a packet of cigarettes already in her pocket. She wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight. She caught her dressing gown as she slipped out of the tent.

The night air was cool, but bearable, and flicking the lighter, Kitty lit the lamp, holding it out before her. The light led the way, creating a faded circle of light that warmed her. Her feet were bare on the tickling grass, whispering through the green fronds. Soon she found the eaves of the woods and, setting her lantern down she sat against one of the outmost trees. The field lay out before her, the tents opposite her, randomly punctuated with sharp glows through their sleeves.

Sighing, Kitty looked down at the paper, her mind blank. It had been so full of words. For a moment, she thought of Sophie, gazing up at her from the swaddles of blankets, her mouth wide in a toothless grin. She had been crying when the midwife had gently passed her into Kitty's arms, but as Kitty had looked into her beautiful brown eyes, rocking her back and forth, the crying had slowly abated into small hiccups, until she had eventually fallen asleep. But just for a moment. Opening her eyes again, Kitty forced herself to take in her surroundings. This was her reality now.

"Isn't this a bit late for you ta be goin' out fer a stroll?" Kitty jumped. The voice was undoubtedly his harsh Scottish brogue. The paper fell to the floor as she spun around. Captain Gillan stood further back within the wood's shadow, the stub of his cigarette the spot of light showing her where he was as he sucked in a breath.

Kitty felt awkward. She needed to go. She gathered her things.

"Don't let me disturb you," he said. Oh, he knew exactly what he was doing, the bastard. She had had no idea he was there and he could have easily slipped away before she knew any different. But no, he was hurt and wanted to shift some of the discomfort to her. The pain of the evening was still fresh, and she didn't want to make things worse by doing or saying something she didn't mean. He had been so open, so honest about his feelings. What could she say after that? She had too much to lose to risk telling him the truth.

"Not at all," she muttered, hurrying back across the field.

He noticed she was in bare feet. He noticed how lovely her hair looked hanging loose and the way it almost shone silver in the moonlight. He also noticed the slip of paper that had floated to the ground as she whisked away. Picking it up, he was about to call out to her, but then he saw the writing and the last words, 'you are nothing to me'. Frowning, he looked from the paper up to her figure in the distance, and back again. She had agreed to meet him earlier, and then not bothered to turn up. Was she just playing with him? Or was there an alternate reason, something that made it absolutely necessary that she couldn't turn down the pass. He remembered her words, 'no one turns down a pass'. He chuckled hollowly to himself. He had turned down his pass, for her.

He looked back down at the sheet of paper. It had just one short paragraph of writing. It was too hard to read without squinting. He began marching toward his tent. Miles had always been a deep sleeper.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all the lovely reviews! Enjoy!

They had another convoy arriving today. The camp was abuzz, people dashing to and fro like bees in a bonnet. There weren't enough beds. There wasn't enough medicine. There weren't enough nurses or doctors. All the nervous energy was building up, an ever-present dread of the pain they would see this night.

Everyone was snapping at each other. Kitty had bitten Rosalie's head off earlier because she wouldn't stop nagging about where she had been last night as they were making the beds. She thought Kitty had been off with a man. As if. Well, not intentionally, anyway. Kitty had been avoiding Gillan all day. She wished she could stop thinking about him so easily as well.

"Trevelyan!" Kitty jumped to attention as Matron approached. "Some of the more able patients are being moved to another hospital in order to make space for the convoy. Make sure they're ready by 2 o'clock."

She handed Kitty a list and then marched off. Kitty sighed as she looked down the list. "Yes, Ma'am."

An hour later and Kitty had nearly finished. The men had been informed and knew to be at the pick-up point by 1.50. She had enlisted Flora's help, and between them the two had made steady progress, helping the men to gather their things together and pack their bags. Flora had kept up a flow of conversation throughout, her chatter often eliciting a laugh from the men, and even Kitty at times. The soldiers' constant flirting was always a source of amusement for Kitty, and although fun, something to be ignored. Flora, however, flourished under it, and Kitty watched with a smile as she retorted back the soldiers' playful remarks with teasing one's of her own.

"Excuse me," a Scottish brogue said behind her. "May I borrow Miss Trevelyan for a moment?"

Kitty's heart sank. Why did he always have to creep up on her? At least if she could see him approaching she could prepare herself. Each time she looked at him, she had to steel herself mentally against him. She loved his eyes, and every time she looked into them, all she wanted to do was melt under their gaze. The way he looked at her, every feeling he felt laid out within them. Ignoring Flora's curious stare, she followed him out of the tent and he led the way to the back of the tents.

"What is it?" Kitty asked irritably.

"Is everything alright at home?" Gillan replied. There was a sliver of paper folded in his hand. He had taken off his overalls and he was wearing his full uniform, as the rules outlined when not at work.

She frowned, looking at him warily. "Why shouldn't it be?"

He opened up the paper and held it in front of her eyes. "This."

Kitty looked at it. "My mother's letter…how did you - " She frowned and said sharply, "you read it?"

"You dropped it yesterday," he said hurriedly. "I'm sorry. I read some of the words by accident and…"

"Oh, and you thought you'd be my knight in shining armour and sweep me off my feet?" Kitty shook her head. Her body was shaking. "You should know I'm not that easy."

Trust him, typical man, he only had one thing on his mind. She should have known.

"Easy…what? No! After the other day, I wanted to know why –"

Kitty reached out and ripped the letter out of his hand. "Next time you get curious, why don't you search my tent and read the rest of my letters as well?"

"For God's sake, I'm not – " He forced himself to stop shouting. Glancing around, he continued quietly but urgently, "I don't want to pry. I was just worried."

"Well, I think you should mind your own business from now on," Kitty retorted.

His face hardened. He stepped closer, staring her down. His eyes were bluer than ever, and for a moment, all Kitty wanted to do was to clear away the anger that flared in them. "Fine. I don't know what mess is goin' on in your life, but I'll give you privacy. And I won't _care_ at all." He began to walk away, but then he came back. He pointed a finger in her face. "In fact, it'll be like we never even met."

With that, he spun on his heel and stalked off. Kitty watched him go, her chest heaving. How dare he…She took a few moment to gather herself before returning to the tent.

"What was all that about?" Flora asked.

"It doesn't matter," Kitty snapped. She sighed when she saw the girl's hurt face. "I'm sorry, Flora, but I would really rather not talk about it."

So he had read her mother's letter. He knew her mother had rejected Kitty. He knew she lived in shame. He probably thought he could take advantage of her now. Take advantage of her weakness. Well, she wouldn't let him.

She returned to work with a new vigour, sometimes giving a particularly annoying bit of clothing a good punch.

She wouldn't let him.


	3. Chapter 3

Thomas sat sprawled in his chair in front of the typewriter, leaning his head back on his arms much like he did a few weeks ago when he had seen Kitty on the beach. He half-smiled, his eyes closed, wondering what it would be like to touch her. Would she be soft and silken? Would she shiver, or press against him? He could imagine her leaning into him now, looking into his eyes as she murmured his name. "Thomas…"

"Thomas." Her voice grew deeper, more urgent.

"Tom!" And he was awake, his eyes blinking blearily as he leaned forward to rub his face in his hands. Miles was staring at him from the mouth of the tent. "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?"

Thomas frowned, his black mood returning as he recollected his surroundings. "No, I bloody well wasn't."

"I was talking about one of my patients," Miles sounded insulted. "I was asking for _your _medical opinion."

The convoy had arrived last week earlier than the expected time, and it had brought an influx of patients that made sure it gave the medical staff – surgeons, nurses and VAD's alike – enough work to last them for weeks. The last few days had been awful. This was one of the first moments Thomas had actually managed to sit down that didn't involve a quick meal or a flop in the bedstead to have a few hours' kip. Thomas sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."

Miles lit a cigarette and watched him out of the corner of his eye. "Aren't we all." He walked round the other side of the screen, and his chair squeaked as he flopped into it.

Thomas grimaced at the moody silence and tried again. "How was the pass the other day?" He watched as a coil of smoke drifted up and out of the tent.

"A bit mixed, really. But it was jolly decent of you to give me your pass."

_No one turns down a pass._ Thomas frowned. He couldn't get the blasted chit out of his head. "Why was it mixed?"

"Miss Trevelyan…Nothing. I mean…it wasn't mixed. Nothing happened at all."

Thomas leaned forward. Miles was an awful liar. "Miss Trevelyan, what?"

The chair groaned as Miles shifted. Thomas could imagine him pulling at his collar, like he always did when he felt uncomfortable. "I really can't say, old chap. I'm sorry, gentleman's honour and all that."

"You and Miss Trevelyan didn't…" The thought of Katherine and Miles together made Thomas sick to the stomach. If it was possible, his mood blackened even further.

"What? Oh, God, no, she barely lets me speak to her, let alone _that_."

The breath Miles didn't know he was holding hissed out between his clenched teeth.

"Why are you interested anyway?"

"I was just wonderin'," Thomas replied, a little to quickly. There was silence for a moment and Thomas turned to his typewriter and began adjusting it to start writing it again.

"Thomas." He looked up. Miles was standing by the mouth of the tent once more. "I'm going to tell you something, but I want you to swear that you won't tell anyone. And you definitely did not hear it from me."

Miles watched as Thomas strode off to his next shift half an hour later. He wondered if he had done the right thing. Even if he hadn't, Thomas wouldn't tell a soul. He may be nearly be a worse liar than himself, but Miles had known him long enough that wild horses wouldn't drag a secret from him. So Miss Trevelyan had nothing to worry about...


End file.
